


I Won't Grow Up

by Smutcutter



Category: VIXX
Genre: Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-23
Updated: 2017-10-23
Packaged: 2019-01-21 20:17:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12465124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smutcutter/pseuds/Smutcutter
Summary: Hakyeon relies on a simple carton of banana milk to sometimes get him through his day. But this time, it just might betray him.*TOTAL FICTION! I own nothing and want nothing!*Seems I am getting into N peril. Just saying!





	I Won't Grow Up

It was a childhood memory that always comforted him. The cool small paper carton, lightly dripping with condensation, straw stuck out at an angle that he could easily reach with his tiny hands. 

The first time his grandmother had given him banana milk, five year old Hakyeon had taken his first tumble while playing outside and skinned his knee. The kitchen table he sat on danced with sunlight as he gripped the small carton and sipped while grandma cleaned his knee and put on the bandaid. His little cheeks were streaked with shed tears as he drank, the sweet milk and grandmother's gentle hands making it all better. From that day on, when things were bad, grandma gave him banana milk. 

As he grew, he found it a touchstone and often bought it for a late night snack in the dorm. Training was hard and often his confidence flagged but that silly carton of milk made him smile. It got to the point that whenever someone went shopping they knew to buy the milk for Hakyeon. He had it around all his years of training and through the reality show that formed his six member musical group.

VIXX was working tirelessly preparing for their debut. Endless days of rehearsal had drained all six of them. Hours of singing practice and learning the new dance had all of their muscles sore and tensions high. Each had their hair redone and styled and each had been dressed and redressed in different outfits to make the debut perfect. But most of their time was spent in the mirror wall rehearsal space. Their single was booming from the speakers as they moved in unison, watching themselves in the glass. The head of the company slid into the room silently and suddenly. As if he sucked all the music from the room, each boy fell into line and bowed in perfect greeting, trying to make themselves stop panting from the exertion of the dance.

“I have been watching.” He said in a low tone. “It's very sloppy and you all make me wonder if I've chosen the right six"” He said simply, his back straight and his eyes behind glasses as he took stock of each of them. One by one, each boy felt their heart hit the floor and Hakyeon fought back hot tears. “I can have another six of you up here in minutes. Now, there will be changes to the dance. Please get them right"” His voice was clipped and not filled with anger. Actually, they heard no emotion in the man's voice. This was just business.

They all bowed as he left and Hakyeon started to shake and felt his knees buckle. He made his way to the padded bench against the wall and sat slowly. He had to keep his composure if he was going to be the leader. The new dance was shown to them and they had two short weeks to learn it.

Hakyeon sat on his bedroll after practice for a long time. Once he knew the others were asleep, he unrolled it solemnly and curled into a tight ball, weeping silently into his pillow. Every muscle hurt and he was at the breaking point. This may have been his dream but the pressure was starting to get to him. 

A breeze passed over him as someone softly walked by. Hakyeon curled even tighter as if he could make himself disappear. His mat shifted as someone sat next to him, a gentle hand splayed on his back as the other hand set down the small carton of banana milk in front of him. He looked at the carton and sniffed, wiped his eyes and sat up. Taekwoon draped his arm over his friend’s shoulder and pulled him into a hug. Hakyeon let out more silent tears, clearing his system then he leaned into the other boy and sipped his milk silently. He didn't remember falling asleep. 

When they graduated from bedrolls to rooms with two twin beds, Hakyeon asked for only one luxury; a mini fridge in the room he shared with Taekwoon. He was of course denied as it was just too extravagant and there was really no room in the small space. One night, he lay tangled in nightmare sweat soaked sheets moaning softly. In the dream were bright lights yet every corner he turned into was pitch black. Every curb and step he seemed to trip on. He tried to dance but every step was wrong. He couldn't control his body and his limbs had a mind of their own. He woke with a start, panting, wiping his forehead. Taekwoon had not woken up and Hakyeon was glad. 

Barefoot, he padded through the apartment silently and into the kitchen. The light from the fridge flooded the small space as he crouched to dig inside, his heart thudding softly. His milk was nowhere to be found. He searched for a full five minutes then finally closed the door in defeat. Tacked to the fridge was the shopping list. He lifted the pen and scribbled: "banana milk for N". With wide eyes, he went to the couch and curled up, turning on the tv. He knew he wouldn't sleep tonight. 

 

They were regulars at Music Bank and knew the cast and crew. Their food and drink preferences were now laid out in their dressing room. They felt like they had really made it! The performance had gone flawlessly as well as their interview. Hakyeon held their award for their song 'Chained Up' and waved to the fans as they headed backstage to change and make plans for their night off. 

“I want pork!" Hyuk proclaimed as he bounced into the room and grabbed a bottle of water. 

“Hakyeon has the award. He will want chicken so we're getting chicken"” Hongbin said with slight disdain. The pretty one had changed over the years and had become slightly cruel. 

“Pork!" Hyuk said again as the others came in and the door closed. 

Hakyeon set down the award wordlessly and reached for the small carton of banana milk in the ice bucket at his makeup station. He knew it would be cold, soothing, refreshing and settle his nerves.

“Shut up"” Ravi joked with a laugh and playfully smacked Hyuk on the back of the head. “We can get whatever we want"” He said and flopped into a chair. Taekwoon sat next to him silently, shoulders pressed together, as they entered their own world of creating music for their sub-unit of the group. 

Hakyeon sat in the director's style chair and opened the carton. He missed Taekwoon. It hurt more than he wanted to admit. The dynamic of their friendship had changed over the years. Hakyeon had been dubbed their leader and with that had become the butt of much ridicule. It came with being the leader and seemed to be tradition among the groups. He always smiled as if to laugh with them but it hurt more and more every time; something he knew he could never admit.

The first sip of the milk was its usual comforting feeling. He grabbed his phone and sat back, long legs crossed as he went through his emails. Second sip and something was off. His throat became slightly scratchy as if he had simply swallowed wrong. He cleared his throat and recrossed his legs. He was having a hard time swallowing and he clawed at the choker around his neck what was part of the group's costume. That's when the stiffness started. His muscles and joints started to ache softly then the feeling grew as he found himself trying to breathe and not able to fill his lungs. 

“I still want pork!" Hyuk said with a flourish, imitating a move Hakyeon used in his solo dance. His moves were over dramatic and made the others laugh. When no one heard Hakyeon laugh as he always did, heads turned. 

The milk carton hit the floor and Hakyeon tried to stand, shoes sliding in the milk as he gripped the arm of the chair, his phone clattering on the tile. His breathing was shallow and he lifted his head. The taunting smiles on the others disappeared like smoke and instantly Taekwoon bolted to his feet and was at Hakyeon's side. Taekwoon barked orders out that had the others scrambling for the medic. Hakyeon clung to Taekwoon as his eyes widened with stark fear as things started to go dark.

The medics rushed in and gave Hakyeon a quick shot with an Epi pen and some anti histamine. After they got him to drink as much water as possible, Hakyeon took a deep shaky breath. It was deemed an allergic reaction and the medic pointed to the fallen carton of milk; the scent of it now filling the room. After a quick trip to the hospital to confirm the medics findings, they all made their way home, still in their stage outfits. Taekwoon kept his arms around Hakyeon in the back on the group's van for the trip home. Ravi sat in the front, Hakyeon's usual spot, and used the mirror on the visor to stare at the pair as they drove; worry in his eyes. 

Once home, Hakyeon in bed, he called his grandmother. Taekwoon slipped into the kitchen to make him some tea. Hakyeon explained what had happened and heard a soft sad sigh on the other end of the phone. 

“I don't understand"” He said softly, his voice breaking a little. His body still ached and he shook softly. 

“You are a man now, my love. You've become allergic to bananas, possibly milk. Your mother is lactose intolerant and I have an allergy to almonds remember?" She asked. “Runs in the family"”

“Yes, but... I need my banana milk"” He said, almost pathetically. A child losing his favorite toy. 

Grandma did not judge. “You are a man now, my Hakyeon"” She repeated. “You don't need it anymore"” 

He was crushed, devastated. She didn't know how badly the others teased him for his dark skin, his friendly nature, his soft manner and the ability to not take a joke. He hurt so easily and he was so raw inside. He needed his comfort. 

“I will send you something to try, okay?" She offered. “You rest, have some tea and get some sleep.” 

Hakyeon hung up and curled into his pillow, biting his lip as the pain got worse. Taekwoon brought in the tea and closed the door. He poured two cups and got Hakyeon to sit up and drink, falling asleep in Taekwoon's arms again as the boy refused to leave Hakyeon alone.

Two days later a box arrived. It was a refrigerated box with small bottles of strawberry soy milk. No one really questioned it as Hakyeon sat and sipped; his eyes far away and not focused. It was too sweet and not as soothing but it didn't physically hurt. Nor did he want to grow up. Seems his body had other ideas.


End file.
